aku tak mahu tanya mengapa......

Sedihkan......bila sesuatu yang diharapkan sudah pasti TIDAK akan sama sekali menjadi.....

Sedihkan, bila hanya kita yang tahu betapa besarnya erti sesuatu itu, dan ianya takkan pernah menjadi hak kita...

Suatu masa, setiap hari aku mendoakan untuk dia berubah, menjadi seorang yang lebih baik.....

Sedih, Allah makbulkan satu doaku....dan dimakbulkan doa itu bukan untuk kebaikan aku.....ia menjadi satu kebaikan bagi orang lain. Allah makbulkan doaku, untuk kebahagiaan orang lain....

Sedih, bila kita hanya mampu pandang ia berlalu.....dan takkan mampu untuk berbuat sesuatu untuk menghalangnya.

Sangat sedih, bila kekecewaan itu perlu dilihat setiap hari.....selagi aku masih di sini....

Sangat sedih, sebab kalau pun dia tahu, tak mungkin dia akan berasa yang sama pada aku.

Tak perlu aku tanya mengapa....Allah saja yang ada jawapannya.

Sakitnya itu, ada masa aku ingin meminta untuk aku dilanggar kereta, koma, dan bangun semula dan tidak sekali-kali mengingati segala yang menyakitkan itu.......

dan kita bertemu untuk melukakan aku......kita terus akan bersama, walaupun tidak pernah sehati.....

selagi aku masih di sini....pernahkah hati aku mampu menghilangkan rasa itu, dulu? susah.....dan inilah satu doa yang Allah belum mahu makbulkan....untuk aku tidak berasa kecewa....dan doa agar keras hati aku, takkan mudah menyayangi selagi aku belum disayangi.....

Aku takkan tanya mengapa.....Allah saja yang ada jawapannya......

learn to live on....hurt on....

the bomb had been dropped.....but why am i still alive?

the sound of my heart pounding faster than ever when received the news....but, i did not die. i hope my face was still straight as ever at that point of time. and no, there's no part of me that died....

i am still alive. and i am not wishing that i am dead.....i just want to go far, so i will not continue to hurt on, every single day....but when would the day that i leave will come???

with the headphones as my escapism....i will learn to live on and hurt on.....from now on.

it's final....

gone are my hope and my dreams....and it is final.....

i need control, i need Valium, i need to go away.....i have to leave.

spare me this pain.....

It is like the world is caving in on me suddenly.....

i have held on too long on something that was never there. ok, the other one, it was near. Shit, i will not be myself anymore. i am not myself lately anyway....

i just wish things would go easier on me this year, but no....heartbreak, another heartbreak, and i guess it will keep breaking.

is there anything like Novocaine that i could use to numb my heart and soul, so i don't have to live in pain anymore?

please Allah, have mercy on me. spare me this pain because i know it destroys me. spare me the hurt that seems endless, and will never go away.

help me control my feelings, so no one sees what i am hiding. no one will see my suffering. do not let my eyes tell them things i have been keeping inside for so long.

help me find a way to walk away from what i have hoped for. help me find away to forget i have longed for. Please Allah, spare me from this pain.....