i have left the place that had given me so much joy & pain. and now i am creating new kind of pain. self inflicted as usual.
i have a fickle heart. i was so in love, for God know what reason. but then again, now i believe in God's power, where your heart can be turned 360...or at least right now, just 180.
i must tell myself, people like me don't stand a chance. it's better that way. i hate to fall in love again.
here's the thing. he might just be my rebound. he's nice, a gentleman, he's cute, he's funny, he's smart....well he jokes in a smart way. he's everything that never was with the one with the same name.
owh yeah, they have the same name. how irony is that?
but, i don't stand a chance. im just too ugly.
see, with all these talk about the importance of inner beauty, faith, or whatever crap that does not have to do with your physical look, no one ever looked at me beyond my fat ass and chubby face. no guy ever......
all i know, i need to shed 40kg off my body for people to notice me...
it's ok. i'm good. all i want to be is a good person. at least i make myself feel good.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Saturday, September 3, 2011
no matter what you do....
Almost one year....i stopped writing. it was just because everything remain the same.
the 'one-way' relationship remains as it is. I gave, and gave, and gave and still giving....all i want in return is to be loved, to be needed, to be cared for, as what i have given....
you would go great distance for those you love....and i think i've done a little of the distance. drove all night to east coast, with very little rest...all because of love.
But, i tell myself, again and again....i asked God again and again....i do that a million more times, and just let me do it from my heart, with the purest and the most sincere...not expecting anything in return. not even hoped to be loved by the one i love the most.....
but, no matter what you do. God just do not allow you to have it, from the person that you feel you deserve the most....
May God listens, and give me the strength to love, to give....as long as i could...with sincerity, with the purest feeling....
i love you. that's all i know. i do not know why. i do not know how, other than giving. and i will keep on giving, and not feel like a loser....may Allah bless me of the sacrifices, i shall not hope nothing more than Allah's blessing....
on top of that...I love you still....
the 'one-way' relationship remains as it is. I gave, and gave, and gave and still giving....all i want in return is to be loved, to be needed, to be cared for, as what i have given....
you would go great distance for those you love....and i think i've done a little of the distance. drove all night to east coast, with very little rest...all because of love.
But, i tell myself, again and again....i asked God again and again....i do that a million more times, and just let me do it from my heart, with the purest and the most sincere...not expecting anything in return. not even hoped to be loved by the one i love the most.....
but, no matter what you do. God just do not allow you to have it, from the person that you feel you deserve the most....
May God listens, and give me the strength to love, to give....as long as i could...with sincerity, with the purest feeling....
i love you. that's all i know. i do not know why. i do not know how, other than giving. and i will keep on giving, and not feel like a loser....may Allah bless me of the sacrifices, i shall not hope nothing more than Allah's blessing....
on top of that...I love you still....
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