Some kind of a pain in the neck....

I first heard the term pain in the neck used on me when i was 19, still in school. and it was all because of this huge war between me and this once 'used to be' my bestfriend (he is still my friend, though only on facebook).

a colloquial translation of PAIN IN THE NECK - people that are just too painful to argue with. they are so useless to talk to.

hmm, some people are just more than that. they are just like sore a$$***e that never soothed. they say things about you, even when you are completely shut. when you are at calm, and not saying a word to his disgrace. no point, when we have burned the bridge.

when someone had said something about how peaceful life is without me around that place...it was a first a huge punch below the belt. but then again, i tell myself, i don't have to entertain this. and what was his intention? only God knows.....yes, i started the war, but i have ended it without you even noticing.

we have stopped talking, and i don't think any statement on facebook to provoke each other would be that tactful anymore. the war is over, though we never made peace.

to that male bitch species, seriously, life is too short to get me sit down and sob about whatever harsh words thrown at me. i am too old for that. and you are hurting yourself by keeping the grudge.

at one point, i pity him, so much. too lonely and seeking for attention when i never even bother. huh, don't tell me you never went to my facebook profile, you poor little attention seeker.

silence sometimes is the most powerful weapon. i should hush now.....and let the pain goes numb.

just be careful what u wish for....

sometimes, Allah made you pick the wrong choice with a purpose.

Yes, i learned that now. What you want is not always the best for you. what is bad for you now, might be a good thing waiting for its moment to happen anytime soon.

I learned the fact, i have to accept it. we are not capable of ensuring life to go smoothly as we plan. we are not to be liked by everyone, we are not to be hated by everyone. i am talking nonsense. yes, it is the sugar rush. afternoon coffee seems bad for me.

i am learning to learn to like this new place. truth is...i am myself. i can never be a part of them. Not a part of team A, or team B. I am me.

my advice, just be careful what you wish for. you might not like it once you have it.

i used to like my job there, but i never liked the boss. i thought things are different here. truth is, office politic is something you can never get rid of. and to shine like a superstar, it will take time.

Note to self : Just be careful what you wish for.....

wishing on a star...

my fourth day. i am a little bored.

tomorrow i wish that i will be their superstar. and i am definitely wishing on a star.

a brand new day...

now i know how hard it is to face changes. i work in a different building now, though it's a same company. it's a mix of feelings, a mix of thoughts a mix of discomfort....i am in transition, and i am not liking it....hmmm. it's just another building, wonder if i got another job and leave the company...

i threw away my comfort, the chair, the organized mess, the friends, and soon the notebook that i just got used to it...i am scared too death that i made a mistake...Oh God, what have signed up for?

i heard about the superstar of the team is going up a notch. and i am barely starting. at some points, it kills my pride a little bit. i have been here longer, yet so far from there.

i want to be the superstar. i want to shine. but not sure if this is the right place. just hope it is. i asked for this.

if only tomorrow is like a year ago, i wouldn't even wish to be here. but i asked for this, and i have to learn to like it. adapt, embrace, loving each day with them. i'll miss a lot, but maybe Allah has promised me something.

Ya Allah, if this is the path that you made me chooose for the better, i pray to You, lead me there, ease the pain i might have to endure, light the way, and let me have the peace and happiness i have been looking for.

But if this is the wrong choice that i've made, please Ya Allah, find me 1001 ways to let me find the peace and happiness.

looking for a brighter day...

i have eft blogging for five months now. guess it's time to restart. yeah RESTART! because i am restarting my career. after FOUR years.....four bloody years. loved some part of the four years. hating it at the same time.

i have enough of back stabbing, 'air-conditioning' (this is a term in Malay which is equivalent to Mengipas), ass-kissing, which all of the above i am not capable to.

you would be disappointed if you were in my shoes. trust me....it took a lot of thinking, juggling, another round of thinking and observing before i made this move.

i move to another department. yeah, some might say no difference. for me; it's a huge DIFFERENCE. another sets of character you need to adjust to. another type of boss you need to learn how to please. another building, further from my dear friends.

but i still feel there will be some things that are still the same. Politics. The shits you can never get rid off.

frankly, i worry that i will regret this. but i must make sure i don't retire here.....damn, i don't want to be those people. i am afraid that i don't have what it takes to be a superstar in the new place. but then again, i really had enough of misery, minus the good friends (and foes)....

it's a love hate relationship. loved the job, loved some people, HATED THE BOSS. yeah, it might sound selfish. but i need to come to work happy, damn it, i was not that happy before.

and yes, i might have to take a few more years to go up a notch. nope, i don't plan to stay a few more years....i am 27. i am young. this is the time for me to explore other businesses, other industries, broaden my knowledge (sounds cliche, i know).

i pray to Allah; if this is a wrong choice that you made me choose, maybe it is a test. I will open heartedly take it, but please Ya Allah, open up another 1001 doors for me.