i believe it is natural for a human, even the slightest feeling of discomfort would appear when there are people around you are getting more than you.
i am feeling it right now....and i caved myself in, holding back my tears, tears of anger, tears of pain, tears of sadness. it's a mixed feeling, happy for my friends, devastated for myself....
i quote miss kekwa "some people are just lucky, dunno why i am complaining". well miss kekwa, we are human.
in my prayers, i ask Allah for His forgiveness, for i have not be thankful of what i have. for being ungrateful when there are others who been through worse, and for not willing to accept what ever is written in my fate.
But i am human. so is kekwa, MY, shandong, and others who work equally hard, and some get scream and shout more than any of you out there. they didn't say it outloud, or cried as hard as i did. but i know, everybody felt the punch in the belly. but no one really sob over it.
for a moment, i was broken. and i still am. i felt the hollow in me, for losing the battle.
why can't i be thankful of what i have. when there are others that need it more. sometimes, i asked myself, what have i done that i deserve this? what kind of sin i commit that i have to take all these. it pains me when i see those who made it up a notch. it kills me when i know some just don't deserve it.
i am being so bitter, but dont blame me because i bruise easily. and i am only human.
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